no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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