So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
