WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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