he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
