I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
