When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
