I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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