but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
