i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
