I think I am morally bankrupt
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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