I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
