she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
