I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
