youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
