dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
