Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
