My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
