Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
