Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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