if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
