I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
