Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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