Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
