At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
