You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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