While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
PANTIES FOUND
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