So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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