My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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