Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
