I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can I color on your dick again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I touched a dick in church today
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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