Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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