I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize