That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
