We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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