i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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