a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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