please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
