If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
