there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
