Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
