I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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