I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it because I queefed?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
