i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
did you just send me my own nude
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
