There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
