3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need a beard to bite.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
