I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
