Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
