Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
