I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
