A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
