listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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