I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
