Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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