Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
