Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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